To Mate or Dash, That is the Question

When I was growing up in the ‘70s and ‘80s NEW YORK CITY we ordered in a lot. THE HOLE IN WALL for deli. JOLLY CHAN for Cantonese. SOUP BURG for diner fare. RAY’S for pizza. JACKSON HOLE for burgers. All those places delivered food for free within a 15-20 block radius. The delivery person walked or rode a bike. You tipped them. All good.

As I got older my tastes expanded as did the places outside the delivery zone. We’d order big Sunday brunches from BARNEY GREENGRASS, and MOE GREENGRASS would be nice enough to deliver for my Dad. My favorite Chinese place was SZECHUAN KITCHEN, 22 blocks away. I’d ask the owner to send the guy in the taxi and I would tip and pay both ways. Same with LITTLE CHARLIE’S CLAM BAR in LITTLE ITALY. That was before delivery services existed. HORN DASH.

Fast forward decades later and I’m in TRIBECA and I discover POSTMATES. Now I had the city, even other boroughs, at my fingertips. Any restaurant. It was wonderful. Yeah, I’d get annoyed watching the route the delivery person took. Almost like a super aggressive version of SNL’s THE CALIFORNIANS. But think JOHN MCENROE voice, “You cannot be serious! Second Avenue is a disaster!” As I got to know the app, I reached out to the CEO, BASTIAN LEHMANN. Super nice dude. Innovator. Open to feedback. Always responsive. Back then I never paid attention to the delivery price because almost everything I was ordering was outside my understood delivery zone.

As Postmates and others like DOOR DASH grew to national big city prominence I was spending my time between NYC and LA. And then I noticed something. The restaurants in my neighborhoods began to stop delivering directly. They offered you those two or UBER EATS or some niche ones. All of a sudden it seemed like local free delivery was dead. Did the restaurant kill it? Did the delivery services become so popular and powerful that they became the front door to everything? The NETFLIX home screen for food delivery? It started to look like that. But by then I was hooked. Tastebuds demanded it. Sloth made pickup unlikely.

I usually wait too long to order. There is so much choice. I create a cart, then I move to another place, erase that cart and so and so forth. All that choice bred indecision. But finally, I pull the trigger. More hungry than I should be. Like JEFF SPICOLI waiting for his pizza.

And then I noticed some more changes…

They received my order. They’re working on my order. The “Mate” or “Dasher” is on the way to pick up my order. They’re at the restaurant. They’re on their way. I’m ready. Then… They’re finishing up another delivery? WTF? I ordered my food. I need my food. And now I’m watching GRAND THEFT AUTO as the delivery person takes routes far from me. Weaving and bobbing. GPS status can drive the control freak nuts. I assumed that the peeps from the '70s would do multiple deliveries in a run. Of course. Never occurred to me with the new services years later. I'm paying for this. And on top of that, I can see the delay? I can see the clock not change and then say the order is behind or the ETA change.

And then I start looking at the price. Not of the food. But of the service. The fee? The service fee? The tip? The menu item prices (sometimes different than the restaurant’s site)? The unlimited subscription price saves you on some of the fees, but lately not much comparatively. The prices have gotten so high in some cases (depends if there is a real relationship with the restaurant) that the cost has entered the “schmuck tax” zone. I start to think these are services that only rich people can use often. And they're being serviced by those that are not rich. The delivery people. The heroes.

And then another change...

The delivery zone isn’t infinite anymore. I can’t order from BURGERS NEVER SAY DIE in GLENDALE for delivery in WEST HOLLYWOOD. My range is probably double what it was growing up. But it’s no longer infinite within the city. And it's not free. And yet… I keep ordering. Tax or not, maybe I am schmuck or the laziest bastard on earth. You pick.

Then COVID hits.

If you can afford it (and had health scares like me) these services or others like INSTACART really and truly made a huge impact on our lives. And the people that brought our needs to our door, again… heroes. So I’m shut-in during the pandemic. I start to read about economics. The complaints of the restaurants themselves. The movement to pick up to help support your local place rather than pay the massive revenue share to the services. And oh, the bills just get bigger and bigger. Delivery can approach 30-40% of the bill, not including the tip depending on the service. I don’t want to pay “schmuck tax.” I do want to support the delivery corps. I do want to tip them. I want to support the restaurants but I'm worried about going out and doing pickup.

And then more…

There would be mistakes in the delivery. You could get easy refunds from the service but had to deal directly with the restaurant if you wanted the missing item. Then the restaurants were allowed to take out any customization notes on your order. I couldn’t tell them about a nut allergy. Or some modification I wanted. If you ordered directly you could. And I noticed the same place would have different or incomplete menus depending on which service you used. If you thought the deal was better with Door Dash, often the menu would be incomplete. This was a uniform data set but the onboarding of restaurants was terrible and thus many menus set up incorrectly. Or your order would be canceled with no explanation. Or the restaurant isn’t open but their ordering is. Or it says it’s closed but the hours say open. As these services got bigger their products became sloppy and unruly.

But I still kept ordering…

During quarantine, I watched 350 shows (not episodes, shows) and films. Sometimes 3 meals a day from a delivery service. Sometimes late hours. 20 pizza places were open. 10 breakfast places. 15 burger joints. They all had the same address. There was no actual restaurant. Some had the same menus within the cuisine. And yet different prices. Just logos and names. Some lasting, some going away quickly. Only to have a replacement pop-up with the same menu. The cloud kitchen had arrived. Very entrepreneurial. Even some actual local restaurants noticed and broke up their menus and named them differently so instead of one entry, they had 2. Or 3. Or 5. It was like a content farm gaming GOOGLE search results. And if you had a bad meal and didn’t notice the address, chances are you ordered from them again via a different brand.

Why do I care? Well, first, this is what I do. I think too much. And always ask “why?” Why do I give a f***? It feels good to complain about the mundane. Almost makes me feel normal in a world with all our problems. And... I'm a loyal customer that noticed the shortfalls.

I still find the services invaluable (sometimes) or super convenient. But I watch the cost now. I have an eagle eye to make sure the restaurant isn’t a multi-brand cloud I may not like. I just find it fascinating that an entire culture of local delivery was subsumed so quickly. What I thought would have been an economic windfall for restaurants in many cases have them pleading to go direct. Or reinstating local delivery. Amazed that the services are fine with listing a pizza cloud kitchen 20 times under different brand names.

I don’t know enough about the delivery person economics and share, but there has certainly been a lot of press about it. And protest.

These services can do whatever they want. They are run by smart people. They are driven by the genius of logistics. They are providing a service, one of convenience that costs a fee. You can agree to or not use them. You can like what they do or not. Or not care. I was just sitting back, thinking about how they started and how they're changing, and how the goal line for the customer keeps moving. And getting more expensive. With less choice. And some of that choice is a mirage. They're gatekeepers that most establishments have to succumb to. Like it or not. Had me thinking... what did we gain? What did we lose? Is this an obvious and repeatable tale in the annals of business? And will these eventually be monopolies or duopolies that gain more power as their product gets worse? AMAZON they aren’t. Are we paying more for less?

You’ve read. Lean in, what do you think? Or did you never think about it? Or what? I’ve ranted. I’m hungry. Time for some UNCLE PAULIE’S.

Happy Birthday to You...

ERIK HODGE, RYAN CASE, CRAIG FLORES, BRIAN BUCHWALD, LORI GERBER, ELI CASDIN, JOHN MAFFEI, and TY BRASWELL. Belated to CANDI DALIPE, ROD PERTH, PEGGY MANSFIELD, and ANDRE MORALES.