If summer festivals are shopping malls—and it increasingly seems like they are—then EMINEM is this year's FOOT LOCKER, the comforting, reliable, familiar presence you will encounter no matter what city or state you're in and who will have several pairs of decent trainers in your size, guaranteed. Thinking of spending a weekend in INDIO, CALIF., this April? He will be there. Planning a trip to MANCHESTER, TENN., in June? There, too. BOSTON in May? Yup. NEW YORK in June? Mmm-hmm. In short, "Everyone Attending a Music Festival This Year Will Be Forced to Sit Through an Eminem Set." Do you miss the days when COACHELLA meant this and BONNAROO meant that and LOLLAPALOOZA meant that other thing, and you went to your favorite festival in search of a particular experience, and not just the most convenient date and place to see SLIM SHADY or BROCKHAMPTON or DANIEL CAESAR or whoever else is probably booked at whichever fest you're going to? I do. I like regional tastes and sounds and smells. I like that radio in NASHVILLE doesn't sound like radio in LOS ANGELES, which doesn't sound like radio in SALT LAKE CITY (though I'm pretty sure they used to sound more different). And I take comfort in knowing that if you look a couple lines below the headliners on any given festival poster, you can start to taste that distinct flavor, whether it's OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW, RAG'N'BONE MAN and STURGILL SIMPSON at Bonnaroo or IBEYI and KAMASI WASHINGTON at Coachella. But mostly I take comfort in the defiant existence of fests that do their own thing in their own way, like MICHELIN-starred taco trucks and sushi bars in a sea of STARBUCKS. CONSEQUENCE OF SOUND recommends SUMMER CAMP in CHILLICOTHE, ILL., for anyone who misses old-school Bonnaroo. ROCK ON THE RANGE in COLUMBUS, OHIO, is all hard-rock and metal all the time. AFROPUNK, which has been slowly expanding around the world in recent years, is a go-to August getaway for me at its home base in BROOKLYN, a celebration of black music and culture as inclusive and well-curated as any offering on anyone's summer calendar. See you there, I hope... JIMMY IOVINE says he is not leaving APPLE, not yet anyway... RADIOHEAD is not suing LANA DEL REY, not yet anyway... THUNDERCAT was part of a JEOPARDY answer Tuesday night. (Hey boss, have you thought any more about my proposal to launch JeopardyREDEF?)... RIP MIKIO FUJIOKA and DENISE LASALLE.