Sometimes, you try to break a story. And then, within an hour, the story turns out to be, mm, howdoyousay, not a story. And then I never again trust anything you publish or click on any of your links... I was on the fence about ALESSANDRO MICHELE's GUCCI, but after seeing the label's new campaign, you can mark me down as a confirmed detractor. It feels forced, the retro-glam, bricolage whimsy cranked up to 11, like an over-filtered INSTAGRAM photo. My friend DOUGLAS suggests that the whole shoot is a nod to a sequence from cult film CHRISTIANE F. -- neat touchstone, hate what they've done with it. While there are some nice individual looks -- the red souvenir jacket, the vine-latticed fur coat -- they add up to less than the sum of their parts. And that's basically how I feel about MICHELE's work to date. There were 76 looks in GUCCI's pre-fall collection -- you throw enough s*** at the wall, something's gonna stick. Gimme less... Today in delightful diversions: MARC JACOBS cosplaying DEREK ZOOLANDER... LOUIS VUITTON should be ashamed of themselves for these, and so should anyone who pays $785 for them. Designer sneakers: not even once...